Never Enough

Just so you know where I am right now.

I was suppose to get "completed" (as far as I could go at this point) thesis chapters 1-3 to my committee chair on March 18. Well, that didn't happen but I was aiming to get the chapters to her by Wednesday the 25 (umm, 2.5 hours ago technically?) so that she would have the weekend to read them, get me feedback so I could make adjustments in a couple days and get copies to my full committee before spring break (hard deadline April 2).

Well, I have completed chapter 2... have to rewrite about half of chapter 1 and basically write all of chapter 3. I kind of did this to myself, so I am not asking for pity.

Here's the thing. I am astonished to see that I am at 51 pages of text already with all that I still have to write. And that doesn't include my bibliography. That's up to 9 pages so far.

Say it with me, Holy Crap!

I think I have mentioned before how big a project this is but the scope of the project I am undertaking just hit me.

Peace out, I am off to catch 3 hours of sleep before I head back to school.

4 way relationships

Back to Divine Caroline, I found a really cool author on this site called The 4-way. It is a group of for who give relationship advice from four different perspectives, a gay man, a straight man, a gay woman and a straight woman. Pretty cool and sometimes they are pretty funny. I also like the advice they give.

Check out some of their posts here.

New Feature

It is a joke in the office that as the stress of trying to finish the thesis/comps increases, that death is preferable to trying to tackle the overwhelming amount of work before us. In the spirit of this stress reliever, I introduce,

Creative ways to die!
Way #1
Tasteless? You bet! Fun? Mostly. Serious? Not at all.

To be continued...

Reading

Reading the Biography of Frida Kahlo kind of makes me feel insane. It is a series of letters from Frida to other people in her life and she doesn't like to use punctuation. So it is a stream of consciousness style of book and at page 316, which is where I currently am, I feel like my head is about to explode.

LOL - I Found It!

This article explains it all, "Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid". Check it out.

****Update***
Wait, does this make me sound egotistical? Umm, take it like I mean it....

Today

Overload

Trying to get work done on my thesis. As such, I have entered my thesis bunker. Bombs away.

Tee Hee

New Website

I stumbled across this site called Divine Caroline.It appears to be a website where anyone can submit their articles on numerous topics. I like it. From the name, it appears to be aimed at women but I don't have the same reaction as I do when I look at sites like Shine.

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Can You Believe it?

Actress Natasha Richardson passed away today after a skiing accident. She was only 45. This is so sad. For me, she was one of the shining moments in Maid in Manhatten. My heart goes out to her family.

Product Review

As many of you know, I am constantly looking for good hair products to combat the frizz I face as someone with naturally curly - but not super curly - hair. I also don't want to break the bank.

I recently tried John Frieda's complete line of anti-frizz products, from shampoo to styling products.After nearly finishing the shampoo and conditioner (this week I will run out) I now have a product review. The shampoo, conditioner and anti-frizz serum work great. The spray in conditioner and curl activator - not so much. In fact, they both feel like watered down waste of money products. As a whole line from clean to style, not great. Plus, all these are more expensive than I am willing to normally drop on hair care. Not that I don't think it is worth it to pay for a product but for so-so results, I can't afford to spend this much money on a regular basis.

Now, for my money's worth, I like Garnier Fructis products. I previously used the whole line of their Sleek and Shine products - anti-frizz oil, shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner and spray gel to tame my curls. Did I mention I use a lot of products? You would think my hair would look better...but I digress. These products are more modestly priced and I can find a coupon for a dollar off in the Sunday newspaper with enough frequency that I never pay full price for the product.

I am not crazy about their anti-frizz oil but other than that, for what I am getting, I prefer the rest of this line to John Frieda. So from now on, I am going to use John Frieda frizz-ease oil and the rest of the line from Garnier.

My experience/opinion. Do with it what you will.

P.S.

Don't ask me to go out Friday, my butt will be parked in front of the TV watching the series finale of Battlestar Galactica. Don't email, IM, text or even call me.So say we all.

New Project

So, here is the ponder that I have been working on, or at least part of it.

I want to have time off. I really don't want to look for a job that hard. I know this is a horrible thing to say and will probably bite me in the butt when it comes to actually finding a job but... I have been going to school and working for the last three years straight. I do not remember having a real vacation in a long time. Even this last winter break, I was still working at the Union and working on school work. Before then, in the summer, once again I was working at the union and on school work - or at least attempting to study. Even when I took a trip to Vegas to visit a friend, I took school work.I have begun looking. I found a position at a local community college that I am contemplating applying for. A couple positions actually. One is a pool position and the other one is teaching costume and makeup design, believe it or not. That one may be a long shot but hey, I have teaching and design experience. Granted, it has been a few years but why not?

I just kind of want time off to rest and have down time. The problem is, I always have to look ahead to the next thing. If I don't want to have too much time off, I need to plan for the next big adventure in life. For example, I graduate in May and if I want to go to grad school in fall of 2010, I have to start working on applications right away since they are all due in the fall of 2009, some schools begin accepting applications as early as August. So even though my next academic program (and I will get in) won't start until August 2010, I have to start thinking about it at the latest in May of this year, 2009. I should actually start earlier than that with contacting the departments for information and getting to know the faculty so that when I do apply, I am more than just a piece if paper. It never stops. I know I shouldn't complain because I have been very fortunate with the opportunities I have had however, I have worked very hard to reach out for these opportunities and create these opportunities for myself. I'm not saying that I think everything I want should or will be handed to me. I have just been going nonstop for a long time. Even now, I just spent the last two hours on the internet reading about what ever I wanted instead of grading papers that I need to get done or even worse (gasp!) I should have been using this time to work on my homework for class on Tuesday or my thesis! I have been wasting time!

I need the time I took this morning off from all the things I have to do. It just feels like I have so much to do and there is just not enough time. Don't get me wrong, I am generally happy on a daily basis, it is just sometimes when I want this whirlwind I am on to stop. Everyone needs down time. I don't think we get enough of it in this day and age (BTW - the gym was the first thing to go as I try to get myself on track with everything else). I just want more than one day when I can do something mindless like this:I am beginning to believe, even though I am/was extremely disappointed not to get into grad school for the fall, I need the time off from being a student. I need to not be a student for a little while so that I am ready to go and will appreciate the opportunity more when it happens.

eww

This is me lately.I feel like my skin has really been drying out lately. I have been trying to exfoliate and use richer lotions with greater frequency but I still have dry skin flaking off my face. Anyone recommend a good product?

'heM

Oh BTW

I've made a couple decisions. I decided to hold off applying to any more programs this year. I begin job hunting next week. I will look at local community colleges, CSUN, and Kaplan testing services to see if anyone is hiring. What an adventure I am beginning.

Woot!

Big shout out to LA_book_gal. We went to Chili's after attending Gradfest (I now have my cap & gown rented for graduation) and had a fantastic lunch.

We shall have to do that again soon.

Puppy!

This makes me feel better.

The Wait is Over (Rejections 5 & 6)

Well, that's it. I got these in the mail this afternoon.

Dear Ms. _________

I am sorry to inform you that we are unable to admit you to the doctoral program in communication at USC Annenberg School for Communication for fall 2009. Our admissions committee has reviewed your file carefully and has decided not to recommend admission.

Each year we receive many more applications for admission than we can accommodate and, as a result, we mush turn away many fine, well-qualified students. We hope that you will be able to find another graduate program that suits your needs and interests.

Thank you for considering the Annenberg School at USC. we wish you every success in your future studies.

Cordially,

G. Thomas Goodnight
Director of Doctoral Studies


AND

Dear Ms. ________,

The Department's Committee on Graduate Admissions and Financial Aid has reviewed your application for admission to our graduate program. The department is in the enviable but difficult position of receiving applications from many more students than can be accommodated each year. Again this year the competition has been keen, with a very large number of applicants for only a small number of spaces in the incoming graduate class. We are gratified by the large number of well-qualified applicants, but we regret that we are able to offer admission to only a small percentage of those who applied.

I am sorry to have to report that, after careful deliberation, the committee voted not to recommend your admission as a graduate student. The decision not to admit a student is never taken lightly, but the number of applicants forces difficult choices in light of an applicant pool that contains many students with truly outstanding academic records.

I regret that I cannot deliver happier news concerning your application, but we wish you well in your further education.

Sincerely,

David Tewksbury
Associate Professor
and Director of Graduate Study



I actually really appreciate the letter from University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, the letter listed right above. Form letter or not, it was the only one I received that had an actually pen signature rather than a stamp or computer generated signature. Plus I had the opportunity to meet the professor, so it feels more personal.

Oh-kay, after a little break, I am moving on. So, I found one more program to apply to - although now I am questioning the point of applying for this fall - and I have a game plan for the coming year before I apply again.

Lates!

Useful

I have finally found a use for my insomnia. Stay tuned....

On a Lighter Note

Saw this article on mental Floss called "7 Stories You Haven’t Heard About the Olympics"
by Mangesh & Jason - December 3, 2007. Check it out here.

My favorite part is one of the comments. In response to #7 of the article:

7. And just a word on the Games’ (harsh) origins

The ancient Olympic Games served as the basis for our modern Olympics, and fortunately the whole “competing in the nude” thing wasn’t the only custom left to history. Athletes that arrived late to compete were fined, with the only acceptable excuses being shipwreck, weather or pirates. Athletes that were caught cheating were also fined, but were allowed to keep their winnings. But married women caught watching the Games got it the worst: they were executed. Of course, that probably had something to do with the whole competing in the nude thing.

And let’s not forget three of our favorite Olympic athletes. Swede Oscar Swahn won a silver medal in a deer-shooting event at the 1920 Olympics at the age of 72! In 1904, American gymnast George Eyser won six medals (three gold) despite having a wooden left leg, which is even more amazing. But Hungarian pistol shooter Karoly Takacs taught himself how to shoot left-handed after his right (shooting) hand was shattered by a grenade, and then went on to win the rapid-fire shooting event at the 1948 Olympics. He gets our gold.

One of the readers responded:

If I ever become a teacher, my syllabus is going to read that the only acceptable excuses for being late are shipwreck, weather, or pirates.

I laughed out loud. I am so adding that to my syllabus the next time I teach.

Rejection (4)

Dear M_____,

Thank you for your application for admission to graduate study in the Ph.D. Program in Culture and Theory. After extensive review by our admissions review committee, I must regretfully notify you that your application for admission to the program has not been accepted.

Due to the depth, strength and sheer number of applications we received, our admissions committee must be highly selective in making recommendations. It is not possible to accept all excellent applicants who might thrive in the Culture and Theory program, especially since we are not able to accept more than a very few candidates each year. Your academic preparation and scholarship, letters of recommendation, expressed interests and objectives, writing sample, and other supporting materials have all been taken into consideration during the committee's review process.

Although we are unable to act favorably upon your application, we appreciate your interest in the Culture and Theory program and hope you will be able to take advantage of other opportunities to continue your program.

Sincerely,

Glen Mimura
Director, Pd.D. Program in Culture and Theory

I only need one yes. It is amazing all the different ways people can tell you no.

Cheap Therapy

www.winterrowd.com

Rejection (3)

Dear Ms. ___________:

I regret to inform you that I am unable to approve your application for admission to the Graduate Program in Ethnic Studies at the University of California, Riverside for the Fall 2009 term.

A number of factors are considered in evaluating each applicant, including the following: a student's undergraduate preparation, scholarship average, requisite test scores, whether the research interests of faculty are relevant to those of the applicant, and whether an applicant can be accommodated by the department to which application is made.

Unfortunately, it is not possible for the university to accept all who apply, and each department must screen applications carefully to find the best qualified students. For this reason, many excellent applicants must be denied admission.

If you have questions, the academic department to which you applied may be able to further explain specific reasons for your denial. I sincerely hope that you will be able to pursue your academic training at another institution.

Regards,

Joseph W. Childers
Dean, Graduate Division
University of California, Riverside

Oh my God. They are coming fast and furious now. I trying really hard but I am starting to get freaked out. I know that several friends have told me that not getting admitted this year would not be the end of the world but I would much rather be in school this fall, you know

Rejection (2)

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Dear M________,

After consultation with the Screen Cultures: PHD (S30PH) program and after a thorough evaluation of your credentials by The Graduate School, I regret to inform you that you have been denied admission for graduate study at Northwestern University.

Because your interest in the University is deeply appreciated, this decision is not easy to convey. Though your plans cannot be accommodated at Northwestern University, the faculty and administrators of The Graduate School respect your intellectual ambition and wish you success in attaining your goal of advanced study.

Sincerely yours,



Andrew Wachtel
Dean

Shit......

Heh

So I don't want to have false hopes but both USC and UC Irvine have asked for additional documents to qualify for financial aid. I don't remember that happening with any schools the last time I applied. I don't want to assume but...

Fingers crossed!

******************Update*******************
So I checked with my friend who has applied to both these places too. She got the same emails. It looks like it is a standard practice now. Better to know this now than have false hopes.

Happy March y'all!

Still resting and trying to get well.

Well....

I slept from 9 until 2:30, woke briefly then went back to sleep until my alarm went off at 5:30. However,
I'm sick now. Boooooo! All I want to do is sleep all day and night.

De La Noche

[checking out the clock]

10:31 PM Finally bed time!

12:20 AM

2:11 AM

3:58 AM Fine, I give up. I'm awake.

This sh!t has got to stop. The last three nights have all been like this or worse. I made sure not to take a nap today and will be taking a sleep aid shortly in the hope that I can actually get more than 3 hours of sleep tonight.

So Flippin' Tired

Here is the picture of my world.

Sigh

Can't win for trying. Went and had my taxes done today. For the first time in many, many years, I owe money to both the federal and state. Apparently I made 10,000 more than the year before (go figure) and didn't give the government enough along the way. The funny thing is, even with this increase last year, I still feel really poor. On the bright side, I do have a roof over my head and food in my belly - maybe too much of the latter...
Not what I have been thinking about BTW. Will get to that later.

Sunday

I'll let you in on it later.

Rejection (1)

Dear M________,

We have concluded our review of applications for the Doctoral Media Studies program at The University of Texas at Austin. We regret that we are unable to offer you admission for Fall 2009.

The applicants for our program were exceptionally competitive this year, with over 120 applications for 8 spaces, resulting in many well-qualified applicants being turned away. Our decisions are the result of an extensive review of all the applications and supporting materials, assessing qualifications as well as the fit for our program.

We wish you well in your future pursuits. Thank you again for your interest in our program.

Sincerely,


Joseph Straubhaar
Amon G. Carter, Sr. Centennial Professor of Communications
Graduate Adviser

Damn it - Guess I'm not moving to Texas afterall

On Repeat in iTunes Today

Great song if you have not heard it already. Couldn't embed the video but here is a link to the video if you are interested.

How I Am Feeling About School Right Now

I'm the goldfish.

We Interupt This Program...

Just finished a response paper for my seminar class. Wanted to get more grading done for the classes I am teaching and won't take long to grade but I don't wanna.

I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna!

Okay, I feel better. And since I get more grading tomorrow, I will now buckle down and finish the damn papers tonight before going to bed.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

My New Obsession

Beautiful free wallpaper to download. Thanks for showing me this website brother. I love it.

Stuck in My Head

"Say it Ain't So"

I finally figured out why too. Ms. S, the Baker and I played this song in Rock Band when I went to visit them in Vegas this past summer. I am really missing Ms. S and wish I could go hang out with her. That was a great vacation. Good times.

This made me giggle

Super busy working on thesis, will write a real post once I have caught up and am back on schedule.

Oh, and Happy B-day to T3!

Oye

I have had a headache since 1 this afternoon. Mommy! Make it go away.

Drivin'

So I have been seeing a lot of drivers lately that haven't been staying in their lane. At first I always think, "Is that person drunk?"

As it turns out, every time a pass the car weaving in the lane, I see this:
Maybe there should be a mandatory test after a certain age... Stay in your lane!

Done!

After a long process, all 6 of my PhD applications are in. (Remember when I went through this last time? If you are interested in that experience, check out the last round here, here, here and here.) In the order the applications were submitted:

University of Southern California

University of Texas at Austin
Northwestern University
University of California, Irvine
University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign
University of California, Riverside

The whole process takes many months. The first three universities which I turned in during December, will begin reviewing applications in late February. The last three schools, who knows when they will start reviewing applications. I will probably hear back from the schools on their decisions in April, late March at the earliest.

I will keep you all informed.

Don't Waste Your Time

I did not like this movie. I was willing to give it a chance until the scriptwriters botched the story about 2o minutes from the end of the movie. Granted, the whole movie premise is unrealistic but they took such a huge leap of logic that they lost me. The disk had skipped and I though perhaps I had missed something. But no, after cleaning the disc, I found out that it was just a crappy movie.

BOO!

Last Day & ...

Here is a shot of the mini Red Velvet Cupcakes I made for my very last day working at the union.
Close up shot of one, color was a little off but you can see the cute little star of frosting on top of the mini.
One additional photo: here is the last sad piece of Coal Candy I made for Christmas. I wish I would have taken a picture of the final product. I bought a stocking shaped tin and pile the candy in. very cute if I do say so myself and the gift receiver liked the job and said the candy was quite tasty. Even though the recipe called for anise flavoring, I used peppermint instead. It gave the candy a very refreshing taste.
Finished two more school applications and the FAFSA for 2009-2010. I have one more application to finish up, I want to get it out of the way before school begins rather than wait until it is due in February.

Also been preparing to teach and not doing homework. I plan to kick it into high gear in the next two days.

No more reading books that have nothing to do with school. Back to the grindstone on Tuesday. Yup, I start my day at 8 am teaching two classes back to back and then have to stay on campus until 10 pm for a seminar. Killer day but at least I have an easy Wednesday. Going to miss the inaugural but I figure I can catch the highlights in the news and online the following day.

Super tired from moving a friend into her new office today, so I will sign off now. Ciao!

Yummy Part II

**Thank you for all your supporting words on my venting about PhD applications. I have taken a break from them in order to clear my head. I'll finish up the last three this Sunday.

On a better note, here are the treats I have been serving up this week at the Union.
Wednesday: On the left, Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies; right, Almond, Cherry, Chocolate Chip Cookies
Thursday: Cranberry Oatmeal Bars

On the home front, I have been getting complaints that everything smells really good but I don't bring home any leftovers (because there are none). So here are some plain Banana cupcakes that I made last night, full size.
Super yummy, think the freshest banana bread you have ever had, super light and fluffy without the nuts. Perfect, if I do say myself. I like banana bread except that is so so dense, I feel like I am choking when I try to swallow a bite. This cupcake saves me this experience. So happy. If I were a pet rat, I would do a little happy "popcorn".

I will be finishing up the week with Red Velvet mini cupcakes tomorrow. So, one last round of photos.

Yummy

I am baking all this week. I didn't have time to do anything for my friends and co-workers at the Union - not even X-mas cards- so I am giving them treats all week as a thank you and Christmas gifts.

Monday was Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cupcakes with Cinnamon Icing. I thought people would be put off by the pumpkin but hey, free home made baked goods. They went like hotcakes.
Today is peppermint brownies with candycane frosting. I had a rough time making them last night so they don't look great but once again, I don't think that anyone will really care what they look like. I also discovered this morning that I did not grease the second pan as well as I did the first one and the brownies did NOT want to come out of the pan. Second time I have made this recipe and so far, everyone has liked it.
I like the frosting for this recipe but not the brownie part. I really want to look for a more cakey type of brownie recipe that pours. This one you have to smoosh into the pan and when it is greased, it makes it really hard to stay in the pan evenly.

More photos to come later. Tonight is cookie night and some banana cupcakes. Banana cupcakes will be for home because you need a brown banana and I only have one, stolen from a friend's apartment that I am house sitting for. She won't mind though. :)

Incompetence

I am so tired of jumping though hoops. Because that is all that applying to PhD programs feels like. I spend day after day writing essays for the programs, variations on the first one I wrote, proofreading carefully to make sure I have caught and changed all the references to the last university I applied to.

Only to catch a typo somewhere else in the essay that I have sent in to every single fucking university to this point.

Then I catch that I accidentally submitted an unfinished application online instead of saving it to finish later like I thought.

Then I notice that the deadline for a program is later than I though and I could have requested all the transcripts and letters of rec go back to me so that I can include them in one packet like the instructions state.

Then I find out that I may or may not have missed the deadline for one of the schools I am applying to.

This two weeks after scoring worse on the GRE this time then I did four years ago.

I feel so incompetent. I don't feel like I have the time to do any of this right so I mess up right and left. But there is no time to slow down because these deadlines come one after the other... And if I wait to do this later, I won't be going to school in the fall.

This is ridiculous. I know I can do graduate level work, PhD level work, I know I can. I am even confident of my ability to pay for and complete the program. I am just not sure I can get in the door to accomplish these goals.

There are worse things going on in the world and people suffering far greater than me. But here is where I am at this exact moment, frustrated, slightly overwhelmed and ready to quit everything.

Tons of Fun

I have the bad habit of watching TV late at night on weekends and breaks when I should be sleeping so I can get up and be productive the next day. Last night was no exception. I was up until 1:30 watching pretty much nothing.

But occasionally I watch something slightly educational. That is how my evening started out. I was watching TLC and three shows in a row came on that had me glued to the set, Half-ton Mom, Half-ton Dad, and Half-ton Teen. I was both fascinated and horrified at the sight of a woman over 800 lbs (they kept saying different numbers, so I am not sure how much she actually weighed and yes, they had her on a scale), a man who weighed 1032 lbs (holds the record so far) and a teen who weighs 800 lbs. The documentaries follow their journey to a gastric bypass clinic in Houston, Texas which is the only hospital that will handle patients that big. Most places won't touch a person who has gone over 500 lbs as I understand from the shows - I was flipping around the channels a bit. All three patients are from Texas as Texas has the distinction of having 6 of the fattest cities in the U.S., Houston being one of them BTW.

(Half ton Mom)

But what I found more fascinating then the actual patients was the way they lived. More specifically the level of denial of the people around them. When you get to this weight, mobility becomes an issue. Only the teen was mobile and even then for only short bursts of time. So there is someone who is bathing and feeding these individuals. Listening to the way they talk to the camera, you can see a level of disconnect to how their actions contribute to these problems. I think the teen documentary was the saddest to me. A 19 year old whose mother treats him like an 8 year old. Their's is a sad story of a first child who died at 19 months but still. I cannot help but admit that I am a tad judgmental when I was watching this show. Hello! Your actions have a direct affect on your son's life and you are killing your child! And of course, the people around these extreme cases are no skinny minnies themselves.

I'm not one to talk about having will power when it comes to food, nor am I a shining of example of exercising on a regular basis but sheesh! These documentaries show how the U.S. has become a nation of excess. This is why we have shows like "The Biggest Loser" (which had a marathon yesterday, I watched parts of it) in which there were contestants from all 50 states. Makes me happy to go outside and take a walk, and I really don't like exercise.

On that note, time for me to log off.

I recommend

MILK

What a fantastic movie. Sean Penn does a great job and so does the rest of the cast. Go see it.