Saturday, January 03, 2009

Incompetence

I am so tired of jumping though hoops. Because that is all that applying to PhD programs feels like. I spend day after day writing essays for the programs, variations on the first one I wrote, proofreading carefully to make sure I have caught and changed all the references to the last university I applied to.

Only to catch a typo somewhere else in the essay that I have sent in to every single fucking university to this point.

Then I catch that I accidentally submitted an unfinished application online instead of saving it to finish later like I thought.

Then I notice that the deadline for a program is later than I though and I could have requested all the transcripts and letters of rec go back to me so that I can include them in one packet like the instructions state.

Then I find out that I may or may not have missed the deadline for one of the schools I am applying to.

This two weeks after scoring worse on the GRE this time then I did four years ago.

I feel so incompetent. I don't feel like I have the time to do any of this right so I mess up right and left. But there is no time to slow down because these deadlines come one after the other... And if I wait to do this later, I won't be going to school in the fall.

This is ridiculous. I know I can do graduate level work, PhD level work, I know I can. I am even confident of my ability to pay for and complete the program. I am just not sure I can get in the door to accomplish these goals.

There are worse things going on in the world and people suffering far greater than me. But here is where I am at this exact moment, frustrated, slightly overwhelmed and ready to quit everything.

2 comments:

S said...

Don't Give Up!!!! Soon enough you'll be Dr. Marz and we'll laugh about the frustrations you went through when we toast you as doctor!

Anonymous said...

of course you can! you can you can you can! If it wasn't going to be hard work and frustrating everyone would run around calling themselves Dr.