Scary Larry

So I have been talking about getting my vision corrected this year. I am sick and tired of having to wear contacts and worse, I am tired of everyone asking me what is wrong with my eyes because they are red most of the time. It is tiring to have to explain over and over again that, A) I’m not tired, B) no I have not been smoking pot and C) no, my eyes are not irritated, at least not in the way most people think. My eyes don’t like wearing contacts. They object strongly to having a little piece of plastic in them all day long. I try to give them as much of a break as possible but alas, I will NOT wear my glasses instead of contacts. They are really thick and news flash, PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND INSENSITIVE and will say stupid stuff.

“Whoa! Your glasses are so thick!”

Really? When did that happen? I didn’t notice. Someone call the police, my eyesight has been stolen!

I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 5 years old. Enough is enough. I am not eligible for LASIK since I am so blind. But there is a new procedure that is either approved by the FDA or still in trial runs only in the US. The procedure has been used successfully in Europe for a while now.

The procedure is similar to cataract surgery from what I understand. Basically, they insert a permanent lens into your eye and you’re done. My optometrist has not seen this done on any of his patients but he has read about it in his journals. He advised me that it is less evasive than LASIK and the healing time is less. So what do I have to loose? He referred me to a doctor in LA whom he says has performed many of these procedures and locally is my best option.

Of course, I have been chicken s**t about contacting the doctor since my optometrist gave me his name and number back on February 11. I hate phone soo… Plus I only had the doctor’s name and I didn’t know what procedure I was suppose to be asking about. I forget to do things, like as my doctor to write down the procedure’s name.

So on Monday, I told myself enough is enough and I need to do this while I am covered by my insurance (extended coverage, not the basic. My benefits are not that good). So I googled the good doctor to see if I could figure out what the procedure is. Sure enough, there was all the information on his website I needed, including a contact form to fill out to request a free consultation! So here is the email I sent out to him:

“My optometrist referred me to Dr. Maloney as I am extremely nearsighted and not eligible for LASIK to correct my vision. I am interested in coming in for a consultation to see if the Verisyse implantable contact lens is an option to correct my vision. Thank you.”

(I was planning on posting this today and then posting again once I had an appointment. Guess what?)

The doctor’s office called me today. I have very mixed feelings about the phone call. On one hand, the woman I spoke to from Dr. Maloney’s office, Angela, was very nice, thorough and professional. She was very informative. For the type of appointment I need, they only book consultations and the surgery once a month, on the third Monday of the month. Once she told me that, we went through a series of questions to set up an appointment.

She asked me if I knew what my prescription was, which I don’t know what it is exactly. I told her that it was a negative double digit and she said since I knew my prescription is double digit, it does show that I would be a candidate for this surgery. Since I’ve had a recent eye exam with my optometrist, they are going to call over for those exam records and based upon how complete they are, they will do whichever tests they feel are necessary during the exam. Hopefully, the exam I just took is pretty comprehensive and they only have to do the specific “contour measurements and counting the cells on the back of my eye.” I also have to get a physical from my GP. So I guess I have to call and make the appointment for that too. Thank goodness for sick time that can be used for doctor’s appointments or I would be screwed!

Here is the part that I am trying to psyche myself up for. They need me to not wear my contact for three weeks before the consultation. Before the consultation. I was expecting that I would have to remove my contact for some time before the surgery if I was eligible, but before the consultation?

Part of me says that if this is what I have to do before they fix my eyes, I can suck it up and do it. If I really want to fix my eyes, this is what it is going to take and that it that.

But there is a small part of me that thinks that I will not be a good candidate and I will have submitted myself to stupid comments by people for nothing. I really hate being in public without my contacts. I just don’t feel like I see very well with my glasses either, even though I know my prescription is accurate. And I don’t care what type of frames you get, thick glasses are not cute. Dorothy Parker said it best, “Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.”

So I have an appointment for 12:45 on Monday April 17. I have to remove my contacts as of this Friday.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.