So Flippin' Tired

Here is the picture of my world.

Sigh

Can't win for trying. Went and had my taxes done today. For the first time in many, many years, I owe money to both the federal and state. Apparently I made 10,000 more than the year before (go figure) and didn't give the government enough along the way. The funny thing is, even with this increase last year, I still feel really poor. On the bright side, I do have a roof over my head and food in my belly - maybe too much of the latter...
Not what I have been thinking about BTW. Will get to that later.

Sunday

I'll let you in on it later.

Rejection (1)

Dear M________,

We have concluded our review of applications for the Doctoral Media Studies program at The University of Texas at Austin. We regret that we are unable to offer you admission for Fall 2009.

The applicants for our program were exceptionally competitive this year, with over 120 applications for 8 spaces, resulting in many well-qualified applicants being turned away. Our decisions are the result of an extensive review of all the applications and supporting materials, assessing qualifications as well as the fit for our program.

We wish you well in your future pursuits. Thank you again for your interest in our program.

Sincerely,


Joseph Straubhaar
Amon G. Carter, Sr. Centennial Professor of Communications
Graduate Adviser

Damn it - Guess I'm not moving to Texas afterall

On Repeat in iTunes Today

Great song if you have not heard it already. Couldn't embed the video but here is a link to the video if you are interested.

How I Am Feeling About School Right Now

I'm the goldfish.

We Interupt This Program...

Just finished a response paper for my seminar class. Wanted to get more grading done for the classes I am teaching and won't take long to grade but I don't wanna.

I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna!

Okay, I feel better. And since I get more grading tomorrow, I will now buckle down and finish the damn papers tonight before going to bed.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

My New Obsession

Beautiful free wallpaper to download. Thanks for showing me this website brother. I love it.

Stuck in My Head

"Say it Ain't So"

I finally figured out why too. Ms. S, the Baker and I played this song in Rock Band when I went to visit them in Vegas this past summer. I am really missing Ms. S and wish I could go hang out with her. That was a great vacation. Good times.

This made me giggle

Super busy working on thesis, will write a real post once I have caught up and am back on schedule.

Oh, and Happy B-day to T3!

Oye

I have had a headache since 1 this afternoon. Mommy! Make it go away.

Drivin'

So I have been seeing a lot of drivers lately that haven't been staying in their lane. At first I always think, "Is that person drunk?"

As it turns out, every time a pass the car weaving in the lane, I see this:
Maybe there should be a mandatory test after a certain age... Stay in your lane!

Done!

After a long process, all 6 of my PhD applications are in. (Remember when I went through this last time? If you are interested in that experience, check out the last round here, here, here and here.) In the order the applications were submitted:

University of Southern California

University of Texas at Austin
Northwestern University
University of California, Irvine
University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign
University of California, Riverside

The whole process takes many months. The first three universities which I turned in during December, will begin reviewing applications in late February. The last three schools, who knows when they will start reviewing applications. I will probably hear back from the schools on their decisions in April, late March at the earliest.

I will keep you all informed.

Don't Waste Your Time

I did not like this movie. I was willing to give it a chance until the scriptwriters botched the story about 2o minutes from the end of the movie. Granted, the whole movie premise is unrealistic but they took such a huge leap of logic that they lost me. The disk had skipped and I though perhaps I had missed something. But no, after cleaning the disc, I found out that it was just a crappy movie.

BOO!

Last Day & ...

Here is a shot of the mini Red Velvet Cupcakes I made for my very last day working at the union.
Close up shot of one, color was a little off but you can see the cute little star of frosting on top of the mini.
One additional photo: here is the last sad piece of Coal Candy I made for Christmas. I wish I would have taken a picture of the final product. I bought a stocking shaped tin and pile the candy in. very cute if I do say so myself and the gift receiver liked the job and said the candy was quite tasty. Even though the recipe called for anise flavoring, I used peppermint instead. It gave the candy a very refreshing taste.
Finished two more school applications and the FAFSA for 2009-2010. I have one more application to finish up, I want to get it out of the way before school begins rather than wait until it is due in February.

Also been preparing to teach and not doing homework. I plan to kick it into high gear in the next two days.

No more reading books that have nothing to do with school. Back to the grindstone on Tuesday. Yup, I start my day at 8 am teaching two classes back to back and then have to stay on campus until 10 pm for a seminar. Killer day but at least I have an easy Wednesday. Going to miss the inaugural but I figure I can catch the highlights in the news and online the following day.

Super tired from moving a friend into her new office today, so I will sign off now. Ciao!

Yummy Part II

**Thank you for all your supporting words on my venting about PhD applications. I have taken a break from them in order to clear my head. I'll finish up the last three this Sunday.

On a better note, here are the treats I have been serving up this week at the Union.
Wednesday: On the left, Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies; right, Almond, Cherry, Chocolate Chip Cookies
Thursday: Cranberry Oatmeal Bars

On the home front, I have been getting complaints that everything smells really good but I don't bring home any leftovers (because there are none). So here are some plain Banana cupcakes that I made last night, full size.
Super yummy, think the freshest banana bread you have ever had, super light and fluffy without the nuts. Perfect, if I do say myself. I like banana bread except that is so so dense, I feel like I am choking when I try to swallow a bite. This cupcake saves me this experience. So happy. If I were a pet rat, I would do a little happy "popcorn".

I will be finishing up the week with Red Velvet mini cupcakes tomorrow. So, one last round of photos.

Yummy

I am baking all this week. I didn't have time to do anything for my friends and co-workers at the Union - not even X-mas cards- so I am giving them treats all week as a thank you and Christmas gifts.

Monday was Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cupcakes with Cinnamon Icing. I thought people would be put off by the pumpkin but hey, free home made baked goods. They went like hotcakes.
Today is peppermint brownies with candycane frosting. I had a rough time making them last night so they don't look great but once again, I don't think that anyone will really care what they look like. I also discovered this morning that I did not grease the second pan as well as I did the first one and the brownies did NOT want to come out of the pan. Second time I have made this recipe and so far, everyone has liked it.
I like the frosting for this recipe but not the brownie part. I really want to look for a more cakey type of brownie recipe that pours. This one you have to smoosh into the pan and when it is greased, it makes it really hard to stay in the pan evenly.

More photos to come later. Tonight is cookie night and some banana cupcakes. Banana cupcakes will be for home because you need a brown banana and I only have one, stolen from a friend's apartment that I am house sitting for. She won't mind though. :)

Incompetence

I am so tired of jumping though hoops. Because that is all that applying to PhD programs feels like. I spend day after day writing essays for the programs, variations on the first one I wrote, proofreading carefully to make sure I have caught and changed all the references to the last university I applied to.

Only to catch a typo somewhere else in the essay that I have sent in to every single fucking university to this point.

Then I catch that I accidentally submitted an unfinished application online instead of saving it to finish later like I thought.

Then I notice that the deadline for a program is later than I though and I could have requested all the transcripts and letters of rec go back to me so that I can include them in one packet like the instructions state.

Then I find out that I may or may not have missed the deadline for one of the schools I am applying to.

This two weeks after scoring worse on the GRE this time then I did four years ago.

I feel so incompetent. I don't feel like I have the time to do any of this right so I mess up right and left. But there is no time to slow down because these deadlines come one after the other... And if I wait to do this later, I won't be going to school in the fall.

This is ridiculous. I know I can do graduate level work, PhD level work, I know I can. I am even confident of my ability to pay for and complete the program. I am just not sure I can get in the door to accomplish these goals.

There are worse things going on in the world and people suffering far greater than me. But here is where I am at this exact moment, frustrated, slightly overwhelmed and ready to quit everything.

Tons of Fun

I have the bad habit of watching TV late at night on weekends and breaks when I should be sleeping so I can get up and be productive the next day. Last night was no exception. I was up until 1:30 watching pretty much nothing.

But occasionally I watch something slightly educational. That is how my evening started out. I was watching TLC and three shows in a row came on that had me glued to the set, Half-ton Mom, Half-ton Dad, and Half-ton Teen. I was both fascinated and horrified at the sight of a woman over 800 lbs (they kept saying different numbers, so I am not sure how much she actually weighed and yes, they had her on a scale), a man who weighed 1032 lbs (holds the record so far) and a teen who weighs 800 lbs. The documentaries follow their journey to a gastric bypass clinic in Houston, Texas which is the only hospital that will handle patients that big. Most places won't touch a person who has gone over 500 lbs as I understand from the shows - I was flipping around the channels a bit. All three patients are from Texas as Texas has the distinction of having 6 of the fattest cities in the U.S., Houston being one of them BTW.

(Half ton Mom)

But what I found more fascinating then the actual patients was the way they lived. More specifically the level of denial of the people around them. When you get to this weight, mobility becomes an issue. Only the teen was mobile and even then for only short bursts of time. So there is someone who is bathing and feeding these individuals. Listening to the way they talk to the camera, you can see a level of disconnect to how their actions contribute to these problems. I think the teen documentary was the saddest to me. A 19 year old whose mother treats him like an 8 year old. Their's is a sad story of a first child who died at 19 months but still. I cannot help but admit that I am a tad judgmental when I was watching this show. Hello! Your actions have a direct affect on your son's life and you are killing your child! And of course, the people around these extreme cases are no skinny minnies themselves.

I'm not one to talk about having will power when it comes to food, nor am I a shining of example of exercising on a regular basis but sheesh! These documentaries show how the U.S. has become a nation of excess. This is why we have shows like "The Biggest Loser" (which had a marathon yesterday, I watched parts of it) in which there were contestants from all 50 states. Makes me happy to go outside and take a walk, and I really don't like exercise.

On that note, time for me to log off.

I recommend

MILK

What a fantastic movie. Sean Penn does a great job and so does the rest of the cast. Go see it.

Hmmm...

For more pictures like this, go to punditkitchen.com

Finally

So I finally figured out how to add my gmail account to blogger. Changes the way my blog looks slightly but at least now I don't have to sign out of gmail to sign in to my blog.




Talk about a X-mas present.

Hope all your wishes came true. I know my wish came true.

"I Have Cookie Envy" and Other Randoms Thoughts

Yes, I have cookie envy, check out these beauties.

Maybe I can bake these next week. Check out the recipe here. and hang around for a rockin' Vegan blog.

So it finally hit me that the semester is done. I guess it was the 2 hour brunch I had with three people from school that I enjoy spending time with but don't get to see for extended periods of time, even though I share an office with two of them. Ha!

I also started training my replacement at the Union. I will miss working there, although I really don't have anything to do right now. My last day will be January 9. I have worked there for over 2 years now. Everyone there was so welcoming and warm, I hope that I am able to find a new group of people like that once I move on to my PhD program. Cuz lord knows that is not the way I would describe my other group of coworkers. (For a great example of that group check out this previous post). Don't get me wrong, they are not all like that, its just I like the people I work with at the Union better overall.

I have one week left to study for the GRE. Math book, here I come! All I need is to increase my score by 110 points. I am also reviewing some basic prefixes and suffixes of words to increase my verbal score.

Feeling fat. All my professional looking pants feel tight which is a problem since the wind is pretty cold right now and skirts are no bueno in this weather. (sing song) Someone needs to start hitting the treadmill...

I have to go get an oil change tomorrow. My car is starting to act and sound funny.

Nothing makes you feel more incompetent than trying to stamp the edges of an academic journal with the name of the library. I press in as carefully as possible but when I pull the stamp off, you can barely read the name. You gotta love service assignments in grad school. At least I ordered a new stamp pad for the library. It was delivered yesterday. Maybe that will help.

Still have to finish Christmas shopping. Though I was close to done, turns out not even close.

Tamale making in less that a week. Yay!

Even though school is over, I am still having trouble falling asleep. So tonight, after I finish cooking for a potluck dinner tomorrow, studying for the GRE and picking up my disaster of a room, I will try a hot bath with a "Dream On" ballistic from Lush.

Last thought, is anyone reading my blog anymore? Feels like I am simply typing for my own amusement. Leave a comment, will ya?

Another just Because

Update

When I logged into my email this morning, I had an email that stated the strike has been postponed as both parties are back at the negotiation table. I'm glad I didn't have to make a choice between the union and my students.

In other news, pages left until the end of the semester. Yes, my countdown is in pages rather than hours to go. Time is immaterial at this point.

UAW Calls A Stike

The United Academic Workers Union, which I belong to and represents me, has been attempting to bargain with the CSU system for a couple months now. Our contract has expired but even before that, they were not honoring the negotiated contract. The main sticking point is that we have a negotiated fee waiver which allows the Teaching Associates, Graduate Assistants and Instructional Student Assistants to work only one job as costs for being a student are drastically lower. How much lower? Depending on your position, lowered anywhere from $700 to $1,700 per semester. As negotiations have reached an impasse, the Union called a strike to begin at 7 am tomorrow morning.


I know there are grammatical errors in this post, I am very upset about this whole situation.

On one hand, I understand that unfair labor practices must cease and the only way to make a strike work is for all members to participate. And the service that TAs, GAs and ISAs provide to the university is invaluable. We teach basic courses for our departments, the ones that generate the most Full Time Enrollment which sets our budget allocation by the university each semester, we run lab sections which are required for the courses and we grade papers for full time professors. And that is just a partial list of our duties. In this economy, a tuition waiver really helps us provide the duties we are hired for AND be good students, the main reason we are on campus. Without fee waivers, may of us are forced to take second, sometimes third jobs. Either that or depend on someone else to help us pay out living expenses. Take a look at me, I live at home to save on living expenses (bless my parents for being willing and able to assist me) AND I have a second job on campus.

On the other hand, I think it is kind of a jackass move to ask for a tuition waiver during a budget crisis. The CSU's stance is that they cannot grant the tuition waiver as it will drastically cut the amount of money coming in through student fees during these tough economic times.

But the part that is really getting me is my sense of duty to my students. Those who teach Tuesday/Thursday classes are fine, finals begin on Thursday. They are done with instruction. But I teach Monday/Wednesday/Friday. And I have 9 students giving their last speech of the semester. If only they had waited one more day! Is it fair to these students to hand them over to someone else to grade their speech when I tell them I am looking for improvement over the course of the semester and then am not there to evaluate how far they came over the course of 15 weeks? Especially since the rest of their classmates got the benefit of my evaluation for this last speech, the hardest speech we require them to take.

I am preparing for the strike, have lesson plans ready and I can go in class on Wednesday to explain what is happening and say goodbye. But it is really bothering me. I really like my students, they have been so wonderful this semester. Everyone who has observed or interacted with my class has commented on how unusually interactive and attentive they are. They are great kids. We have so much fun in class, we spend a lot of time laughing. They are so nervous when they speak, it is fair to throw them a curve ball right before they give their final speech? How am I serving the students by stepping out at the last minute?

But that's the point, isn't it?

My Brother and Me

Here we are: My brother on the left, me on the right.

Ah, good times, good time...

Holy Crap!

Some of you are aware that I am in the process of applying to PhD programs (Hence the increase in blog posts, better than actually working). Well, for a couple of the programs I am looking at, I missed qualifying with my GRE scores by 10 lousy points. So I have to take the GRE again.

TO THE TUNE OF $140.00

Yes, that is right, I just signed up to retake the exam and my pocket book is hurting. I also think I need to reschedule it because I signed up for an 8 am test. What was I thinking? But the next best option is 4 pm on Christmas Eve...

The crap I do without even the guarantee of a positive outcome...

***UPDATE***
So I went and rescheduled the exam, for December 24 at 12:00pm. Yes, that's right, Christmas Eve. And I paid $50 for the privilege.

sigh - why didn't I catch that taking an exam at 8 am is a bad idea for me in the first place and save myself some money. !@#$*&^*

Just Because

*sigh*

So, today is thanksgiving. Little "t" because as someone who studies systems of oppression, this day is very problematic, for many reasons. For a brief articulation of part of this problem, check out my cousin Jefferson's blog here.

This year is especially troubling to me because of a conversation I had yesterday at work.

The conversation started out great, there is another student who's research interests align with mine and we had a great conversation about racial stereotypes. Then a third coworker jumped in. This is where the conversation fell apart. I don't have the energy to write about everything that happened but here are a couple excerpts of her highly offensive and racist comments.

During a conversation explaining the difference between using the term Asian and Oriental:

her: I just don't see it. I've read a lot of literature and Oriental has never seemed negative to me.

That's the whole point you moron. It is presented as something non-offensive when in fact it is. Literature, especially main stream literature continues to perpetuate this term as acceptable as a form of dominant hegemonic ideology. Me: Well, that's literature.

Later, after the conversation had shifted to the use of derogatory terms and their connotations:

Me: It's like using the term, 'I've been gyped.'

Her: I don't know what that refers to.

Me: That's okay, a lot of people don't. Gyp is a shorten version of Gypsy. It is referring to the fact that Gypsies are seen as thieves, liars, cheats and dishonest.

Her: Well, compared to our culture, they are.

Me: OMG!
(not my inside voice)

...
I left the office shortly after that, really worked up and super angry. Such blatant racism. I have so rarely run into it face to face that it is a shock to the system. I am use to covert forms of racism (also not acceptable), but this... And she didn't even realize how racist she was being, but that's white privilege for you. And I have to take a class with her next semester. Someone will have to hold me back if she says stupid stuff during this class. Our common class? Feminist Perspectives.

Her other class? Intercultural Communication.

I am very glad that I already took that class so I can miss her contributions to those discussions. I imagine they would go something like the conversation that occurred yesterday.

Stuck in My Head

Sounds of November

Very busy right now, trying to finish up school, just got back from a major conference in San Diego, working on my thesis and trying to apply to PhD programs all at the same time. With finals rapidly approaching, i usually make myself a CD to get through the week (entitled Finals FA 08). Here is the playlist currently helping me get through all this:

1. Intro from Pretty Good Year 2006 (Party Girl Presents)
2. Into the Void - NIN
3. Nothing Fails [Nevins Mix] - Madonna
4. Possession - Sarah McLachlan
5. Devil Inside - INXS
6. Sick - Sneakerpimps
7. She's Your Cocaine - Tori Amos
8. Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town - Pearl Jam
9. Marianne - Tori Amos
10. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry
11. I Dare You to Move - Switchfoot
12. Everything's Not Lost - Coldplay
13. Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
14. Candyman - Christina Aguilera
15. Move Your Feet - Junior Senior

I know, pretty random. Some songs were selected at random by Party Shuffle. Others have been stuck in my head for a while, so what can you do?

Hope your tunes are jamming too and keeping your feet moving through the last few months of 2008.

Having a Nutty

I have been trying really hard to stop venting what ever comes to my mind when ever I read something that annoys me. Unfortunately, I have not been that successful in not 'having a nutty' as I like to call it.

Most recent nutty? This morning, I received a pretty condescending email from the department secretary telling all the faculty that they need to clean their leftovers out of the fridge so it doesn't smell.

Now, I know it is not directed completely at me, but I could not help myself. I hate been spoken to like I am a child. There is no need to take that tone. And I tried to figure out why I reacted that way after my rant in the faculty office and that's what I came up with. Now if I can just work through my reaction before I actually have my nutty, that would be progress.

Oh Hai....

Still alive, not burned in the slightest, just really, really busy. Hopefully can post in a couple weeks.

Aw HA HA HA HA!

I needed this...

Coming soon - product reviews & schtuff.

Just Because It Makes me Laugh

more animals

more animals

Fun Stuff

One of those online quizzes. This one was What religion should you be?

You Should Follow Judaism

You believe that there is only one God, but you don't get too dogmatic about it. Instead, you simply try to live the most ethical life you can. Religious holidays and cultural identity are very important to you. You enjoy following religious traditions and find meaning in them.

What Religion Should You Be?

This 'n That

I took this morning off from work, so thought that I would post some of the thoughts I have had in the last few weeks.
********************************************************
Last night for the second time, a clerk in a store talked to me in Spanish. The first time, the clerk apologized, stating she was on autopilot. I guess my blank stare was a tip off that I barely understood her. Last night, the clerk spoke to me in Spanish the entire time. I thought I greeted her in English but... Luckily, sales transactions are simple enough that I can generally follow what the clerks are saying.

I don't know how I feel about this. On one hand, I am proud to be thought of as a fluent Spanish speaker. On the other hand, aren't the clerks making a snap decision based upon my physical appearance?
***********************************************
Last night, I finally found a dress to wear to the wedding I will be attending this weekend.

I cannot believe it, the old gang will be together again! It has been a long time since we had one of our potluck dinners together. I miss them all, T3, Meesh, Ms. B, Ms. S, BJ & Chrispy. Now we have the addition of two partners as well. (Is the plural of spouses, spice?) Why is it as we get older, it is so hard to gather a group of people together? And we are not even that old! Between exhausting jobs, commuting, heavy school loads for three of us, and two people living out of town... it makes me sad. I use to organize these dinners because these people are important to me and I wanted to be sure that I got to see them at least once a month. I never thought that was too much to ask. But the dinners kept getting further & further apart until there were only 4 people involved.

I am super excited and glad that we are seeing each other for a happy occasion. We will have to be sure to get a picture of all of us, the original gang.
***********************************************
All the media and multiple bloggers are talking about Sarah Palin. (if you missed the SNL opening skit this last weekend, you have to see it. It was great). I have only this to say and then I will post no more on this topic.

I am sick to death of all the media reports and articles that state women are flocking to the Republican party just because they have a female candidate. Hello! Where were all these reports when Hillary was running? Is our society really that backwards that we vote solely based on gender? Really? I mean, REALLY? I believe in gender equality, the same society rules that constrain women also constrain men and transgendered individuals. If we truly believe in gender equality as a nation, a candidate's gender should make no difference, we should be voting on their qualifications as a leader and on their stances on the issues. That being said, I am not happy about ANY of our choices for U.S. President or V.P. There were better choices.

Oh, By the way

The

"
that time forgot" in town now has the "clerk that time forgot".


Some of you know what I mean...

In brief

Can you limp on both legs?

Yesterday:

Awake - 22 hours
On campus working - 19 hours
On my feet walking and climbing stairs - 12 hours straight

Everything aches from the knee down and I have the feeling that it will be worse tomorrow. Dropped 2.5 pounds in 2 days; don't feel dehydrated and I know what that feels like. Went to bed at 3 but work up at 6:30 today, fully functioning. I will allow myself to nap whenever and am taking Tylenol for legs.

More later.